Dear Ajé:
I find technology to be quite upsetting. I admit that I have fallen victim to it's cunning a time or two, and I am disgusted by myself and my inability to save myself from this atrocity.
My head spins and I feel nauseous.
My grandfather who is eighty-five years old recently went to the hospital to discover that his pace maker was not working at it's full capacity. They had to send some sort of device through his urethra in order to fix this problem and make his pace maker function like a Real Life Heart. I find this to be utterly ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, I love my gramps, but he's eighty-fucking-five years old. You're heart is supposed to fail when you're that age. Our bodies just give out on us after so long. It's nature. It's really not that big of a deal. Worth mourning, yes, but inevitable. We were not created to cheat nature, and we will never fully do so. What is there to do with one's life when they're eighty-five anyway? Adventurous traveling? Romantic sexcapade getaways? I suppose there are those rare circumstances where older folks have the health of a child, but realistically we're all just going to be worn down and bored by then, if we're still alive at all.
And all of this over-population. Ugh. Women need to be sterilized after their third child. It would really help. I think it's fantastic that nowadays women/babies are less likely to die during childbirth than they used to be, but we're running out of space and supplies. We are animals. Survival of the fittest has worked since the dawn of creation. It is even true of our planets. If two planets/stars/moons get too close to one another the one with stronger gravity will destroy the other. We're putting premature babies in incubators and fake hearts in old people. It's expensive and unnatural and I'm incredibly annoyed by how much it all bothers me.
I know that if this world was still build on the motto of 'whoever is most fit shall survive' that my family would have been wiped out by now. I come from a line of decent, mostly hard-working people, but we're not rich and were not overly skilled and my family line probably would have disappeared a few generations ago.
How many families would have been wiped out in the last 30 years if it wasn't for government assistance? It's crazy to think about.
I also don't understand people freaking out about the end of their family line, or the end of human existence. Who cares. You don't see the Dinosaurs making a big fuss about it. If it's meant to happen, it will happen and we cannot stop it. The Universe is superior to man and it will have the final word. Our species is merely an organ of this planet and our planet is merely an organ of this galaxy, and this galaxy is merely an organ in a greater Universe. So who are we kidding, we don't really have that much to say about the grand scheme of things.
But what really gets me is how difficult it can be to have opinions that aren't mainstream. How people constantly feel that they are owed explanations for things that don't directly concern them. I believe that part of the reason I felt so crazy during much of my youth is because I was the only person I knew that wasn't completely brainwashed by this idea of incorrect, mindless blame. I still remember being in ninth grade and having my group of friends turn on me because Jessika had swallowed a bottle of ibuprofen. It was 'my fault' she did it because I was upset at her for hitting on my crush and was taking a few days to calm down before brushing it off. (It was just a boy, but it still hurt.) But I wasn't there when she took the pills. I didn't suggest it. I didn't shove them down her throat. And I seemed to be the only person who realized that suicide was a personal choice, regardless of whether or not it was well thought out.
I think I may have always known that how we feel - how we view the world - is a personal choice, but I had no language to express this during my youth and now I am having a difficult time living it as an adult. I just know that blame does nothing but poison our own hearts and that I often respond to things in a way that contradicts my soul.
It's hard to follow the path that speaks to you. But I guess that just means to try harder.
These irritations also make me nervous about the day I'm trapped in a small space during Armageddon and people are freaking out and turning on each other over the dumbest things.
We live in a scary world.
Oh well.
Love,
Yourself
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